I'm here for one sole reason... to obtain my Masters degree. First of all, I feel as though I need to note that Masters programs work much differently than undergraduate programs. I have only two days of classes while undergraduate programs tend to run five days a week. However, just because I'm in two days a week doesn't mean I undergo any less stress than a five-day program. A lot of the work is independently or collaboratively based, taking up to 40 hours outside of the two days a week.
I had the initial thought of finding a part-time job once I got here to help me financially; however, I'm now faced with the dreadful realization that having a job is going to interfere with my coursework. I don't want having a job to rob me of my experience here. I'm spending thousands of dollars to be here and I don't want to just get through the program on the bare minimum, in terms of experience. I want to get the absolute most out of this. It's not even just about the two days a week and take-home assignments. It's about all the "extras" involved, specifically related to the arts. There are constant events being held to get involved in: artist talks, exhibitions, workshops, tutorials, etc.
Bartending over the last three years interfered with me growing as an artist. It acted as a barrier, putting my creative flow to a staggering halt while I struggled to pay off my student loan debt. I'm not a portrait artist. I never was. I'm here to find out exactly what kind of artist I want to be. I hate having to constantly rationalize what I do. People don't understand why I don't just paint lighthouses and sell them. I want to create art with the purpose of creating social change, as opposed to the market-driven, commodity-based art. I want to connect my art to a wider audience - helping to expand the definitions of art and social change. I, previously, was confined to canvas and paintbrush. I was restricted and so were my ideas. They couldn't flourish. I couldn't flourish. I want to explore the different ways I can approach how to work and different ways to express my ideas. I don't want to leave here a painter.
I could very well "get through" the next year on completing each task mindlessly. I could pass on the bare minimum; however, with an arts program, it's not just about completing a task. It's about getting totally and completely lost in it. It's about maybe stumbling down multiple creative roads, exploring, experimenting, and re-doing the same task more than once until finally feeling enthusiastic about it.
I want to sponge this experience until it's dry - until I can't get anything left out of it. I don't want to pass up on opportunities because I have to work. I'm not here to serve people food at a restaurant, and that's not what I'll be doing with my life.
So, maybe England can still be my escape... it's my escape back into the freedom to create art and to take every advantage of being in this art program, saturated with opportunity, events, and other creative minds alike.
I want to flourish. I won't be able to flourish to the fullest with the stress of working and not being able to attend collaborative meetings or artist talks because I have to serve food. I don't want to leave here a painter (or a food server). I need to focus on why I'm here and that is not to get a mindless job. Otherwise, the whole year here... and being apart from the person I love most in the world would have been for nothing. I want to make him, and my family, proud. I'm fearful that they won't understand my need to not work alongside partaking in this program. I will have the rest of my life to pay off this debt. I will be paying for it years later, whether or not I make the most of the experience. I may as well make the most of it... or else I'm going to leave here a painter.
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